Women's Instruction Book I

Part two of your indispensable guide to understanding men ;)

1. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he does.

2. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men - a woman.

3. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they’d be wrong but you could still use them.

4. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.

5. Men’s brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.

15. I love you when you’re happy.
I love you when you’re sad.
I love you though you told me,
The milkman is my dad.

14. Roses are red, my childhood was blue.
Get out of my basement -- Your rent is past due.

13. The cards in the store
Were just too full of sex,
But I thought, "What the hell."
Love, Oedipus Rex

12. There once was a woman named Mother,
Who always did favor my brother.
But now that he’s dead,
Mother senses with dread
That *her* nursing home’s worse than the others.

A couple of tips that may come in handy if you ever get crazy enough to attempt to understand men ;)

1. If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, you’re aiming too high.

2. Women don’t make fools of men - most of them are the do-it- yourself types.

3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you’re sick of him.

4. Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

5. A woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.

7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.

8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.

9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.

Następny